Missing
by Aristotle Plato
Summary: Soap feels the onslaught of emotions when he visits Roach and Ghost's graves, in particular, Ghost. Price tries to comfort him. Character death (Ghost).


**Hey guys, here's some 3am dribble.**

**Pretty much, it's just an angst!fic with Soap monologuing for the first part.  
This is the revised version.  
Thanks to Lisbet Adair's review, a few things were pointed out to me and I expanded on this.  
So thank you very much dear.**

**I appreciate reviews guys, it helps me better my writing and helps me write something you will enjoy.**  
**But, remember there is a difference between critical analysis and abuse.**

**I am currently replaying the Call of Duty series, so the next chapter will be a bit longer in the making, but not as long as last time I disappeared, I swear.**

**xoxo ~AP**

* * *

"If only I had listened when you raised suspicions, then maybe you'd still be here. I know deep down I should have, but I was so blinded by my own faith and pride that I didn't take it into account, didn't even stop to consider that _maybe _he was untrustworthy. The only reason you didn't bug me about it further was because I, as captain, am supposed to look out for my men, too make sure you would always get home safe, _alive_. I didn't do my job Simon. I failed you, I failed Roach, I failed myself... From what I was told, your death was quick. A single bullet to the head. I just hope it was painless.

It would kill me more to know that my idiocy caused you more pain than necessary. The betrayal was pain enough." He shivered a little as a cool breeze swept through the base, creating a small sand tornado a few feet to his left.

"It's cold without you Simon. Cold during missions without you, cold throughout the team... Well, what's left of us… I'm not sure I ever voiced it, but I love you. I love you more than anything and if there was anything I could do to bring you back I would do it without hesitation.  
I miss your snarky attitude. Your sarcasm and the way you always challenged my authority. It was endearing… I miss _you_..." He could feel his heart breaking, again. Could feel the battered organ shattering into small pieces that he would probably never get into the same place a again. He could feel the unfamiliar burn of tears in his eyes. He tilted his head backwards so they wouldn't fall, and furiously blinked them back.

"I'll always miss you." John whispered, the last words almost choked by his sobs.

He knelt on the dirt in front of where they had buried Ghost on the Kazakhstan 141 base. He'd still been alive when they found him and Roach, but he died shortly after during the chopper ride back to the base.

The smell of burning flesh had permeated his nostrils along with the metallic taste of blood shed on the field. It had clung to the air like a thick fog, made it hard to breathe. At first, he thought Ghost was dead too, but when he walked over to his and Roach's body, Ghost's hand had shot out and gripped his ankle.

Soap had been terrified, not expecting the movement and he looked down immediately. His eyes had widened with a horrific surprise and he felt his stomach bottom out.  
Bile rose in the back of his throat at the sight of Simon – _his Simon_ – any visible skin red raw from the burns.  
Through all the trauma his body had suffered, his eyes had still remained that shocking blue that had always entranced him, whether he wanted them to or not; but this time, those eyes were filled with fear, betrayal and _hate._

* * *

_"Simon?" John croaked, looking down at what was left of his friend. "Price! PRICE! Ghost is alive!" He yelled._

_He dropped to the ground and picked his body up, cradling his damaged form in his arms. His hand moved to the bottom of the balaclava covering Ghost's face and tugged it up and off his head._  
_His dark, short hair ruffled from having the mask on for so long._

_"Soap," came Ghost's broken voice, just more than a whisper._

_"I'm here, Simon. Please stay with me."_

_"Shit. We gotta get him to the chopper. Soap, move him, I'll grab Roach." Price said, quickly moving to pick up Roach's body._

_John stood up and walked as quickly as he could with Ghost in his arms as he could, which was very fast, but he got him there._

_Ghost didn't make a sound. He just lay limply in his captain's arms. Usually he would have a fit about being carried by someone, let alone John, but he just didn't have the energy, and honestly, it felt good to have someone so close to him._

_"Ghost, keep your eyes open." John said. "Nikolai, pass me the kit."_

_"Of course, comrade." Nikolai said as he passed Soap the kit and got into the seat of the chopper._

_He didn't bother with a thank you; he tore into the box and pulled out bandages and painkillers._

_"Gonna get you fixed up. You're not dying on my watch. You got me?" Soap said, his voice becoming hysterical._

_Ghost just lay there. He couldn't really do anything except breath and keep his eyes open as best he could. He hissed when Soap stuck a needle into his wrist, then sighed cause sweet mercy, that was morphine._

_But Ghost could feel it. The darkness creeping over him, over his consciousness, it both scared him and welcomed him. Death had her arms opened wide, just for him, and her sweet kiss would claim him soon._

_"Soap." He whispered, as that was as loud as his voice could go. "I'm not gonna make it."_

_Soap stopped what he was doing and looked down at the lieutenant. He shook his head brushed his hand through his short hair._

_"You're gonna make it. I will make sure you do. Just don't let go." John's voice was getting shaky._

_Ghost slowly lifted his hand to Soap's and held it as tightly as he could. The man was shaking all over, and Ghost couldn't have that. His captain needed to be strong, to not cry over him._

_Simon let out a short breath, meant to be a laugh, cause hell, he was crying now, and he didn't know why he thought that was funny._

_"I know you're not good at it, but you need to let go…" He told his captain. "And that's an order." He added with a small smirk, the most he could muster._

_Soap chuckled at the comment, despite the situation and squeezed the lieutenant's hand. He smiled through the unshed tears._

_"Still trying to order me around, eh?"_

_"I can try." Ghost responded._

_His eyes shut then, and it took a lot more strength than before to open them.  
This was it.  
He was dying._

_"Don't forget about me, John." He sighed, his voice becoming quieter._

_"You're not an easy person to forget." John countered._

_Ghost smiled as best he could, which was only a small twitch at the corners of his mouth. His eyes were closed, and he could feel himself slipping away. Everything was becoming quieter, his heart beat slowing steadily._

_John knew it was coming. This was the last time Simon would close his eyes._

_He felt it before he saw it. He felt the life leave Ghost's body and saw his chest stop rising, all breath gone from his lungs._

_Soap clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tightly. Hot tears escaped his tight shut lids. His body shook as he quietly sobbed.  
He gripped Simon's body closer to him, holding the man's body close and starting to rock backwards and forwards slightly._

_Price watched on from the other side of the chopper. He'd put Roach's body in the black bag he hated so much and placed it next to him so that it rested next to him. He'd removed his tags and planned to send them back to his family, so they could have something of the boy they had lost._

_He wanted so desperately to go and comfort the younger man, but he didn't move. Soap needed this, as gruesome as it sounds, it was a kind of closure for the man, but he knew this memory would haunt him the rest of his life.  
All he could do was watch on, and make sure Soap got through as best he could._

_Soap reached around Ghost's neck, removing his tags from him._

_'Lt. Simon "Ghost"  
Riley_

_01-23-2011  
Unknown  
Other'_

_He gipped the chain tightly around his fingers and in his palm._

_He would kill Sherperd for this._

* * *

Roach's grave lay next to his, the only thing marking them being the small wooden crosses they'd made from what they could find on base.

He cast his eyes up to the sky, the blue slowly being swallowed up by dark, rain filled clouds. It was going to storm.

"It hurts Simon. It fucking hurts so bad." He sobbed, his voice cracking on almost every word.

His head fell so his chin touched his chest.

"I don't know what to do..."

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he knew instantly who it was.

Price.

He tilted his head back and looked up at his friend who also looked on the verge of tears.

Price knelt down beside MacTavish. He looked at the two graves and crossed his chest, uttering a prayer for the dead men. When he looked back to John, the younger soldier was still crying, but trying to hide his pain.

"He's gone..." Was all he could say before he shuddered and started sobbing harder, his sobbing more than hysterical.

Price pulled the younger into his arms and held him in a sort of side on hug while the younger man cried into the chest, his body shaking violently.

He didn't say anything. What could he say?

Nothing would make this hurt less for his subordinate.

He only hoped that maybe with time he would heal, but he knew the young Captain would never be the same. He'd lost his entire team, his best friend and his adopted brother.  
Even though in this line of work you expect your men to die, nothing can really prepare you, and no words Price could ever utter would make this young man feel any better.

All he could do was distract him.

"Let's go get Makarov." He said, helping Soap to stand.

Soap just nodded, but Price knew he didn't hear him. It didn't matter. He needed time to heal, and Soap could take all the time he needed.


End file.
